Stelzl Family

I was really, really looking forward to this journey!!! Not like I haven’t in the past, but it was especially exciting since I would be able to visit with several friends from previous journeys and meet up with some very encouraging girls who had been influential in my life! I think I left home with the misconception that I had already dealt with the majority of my “issues” and that God was just going to use this time to hone in on any blind-spots I had missed. I love God’s sense of humor, but it was not that funny when I got there and realized how much more God had in store for me than I had originally intended on dealing with. I had envisioned maybe some feedback from the Lord on my complaining attitude during difficult tasks, my dislike of Physics, and my bad attitude towards homework! Instead, God hit the bulls eye and began to draw out some things that had been buried deep for a long time!

The first thing he hit was the clothes. Wow…”Lord, this is silly.” I said almost aloud as I started reading the murmuring heart.”You are only supposed to be showing me not to complain. You are not allowed to take my clothes. I know mom doesn’t like the things I like, but can’t SHE change? Why me???” Two evenings later, I was carelessly sharing with a friend that if you have not surrendered EVERYTHING, it is like you have not surrendered at all. “Hannah, why are you being a hypocrite?” The Lord seemed to say rather indignantly. “Well Lord, I can’t be perfect!” I justified myself hastily. It only took me three more days to realize that my obsession with what I wore was not just creating a breach between me and my mom, but it was hindering a free and open relationship with Jesus.

I certainly did not want that. After all, I had come to Journey to get closer to the Lord in the first place!!! I gave my clothes to God. I told him that it really did not matter if I liked what I wore as long as people could see Jesus in me and as long as I could know that I had the power of Christ in me. I felt free from a burden that I had originally thought to be no big deal!

Next, God honed in on witnessing. “Hannah, you have the good news. You know you are going to heaven. Why don’t you tell others about me…others that are not saved?” I almost laughed out loud. “You cannot expect me to witness Lord. I live in America…you know, the land of the intimidating!” Yeah, that’s me. I mean, if you want to send me overseas where people believe you and are raised to life when they die, that’s all good and fine, but here? I am not going to the mall and talking about you to ANYONE. This conversation is closed.” But the Lord was not finished with me yet. “Hannah, how many people are in hell right now that could be with me if you had not been so afraid?” I felt a wave of shock coming over me. “150,000 unsaved people die everyday without knowing about me…” I talked to my leader Laura about this. Two days later we gathered as a team and committed to keep each other accountable for witnessing to others. On the way home, I had the opportunity along with my sister and two friends to witness to a lady and her two kids who were in the airport. How great is God’s timing? I often wonder if he likes to put us on the spot! I mean, I know he likes to use weak people to confound the mighty, but…well, never mind that!

The third thing that God prompted me to deal with was the hardest thing. He brought to the surface my relationship with my mom. At first, I was skeptical. I really wanted a friendship relationship with her…but, that was a big jump for little me! God kept prompting me to make things right. I justified my head off and told the Lord it was ALL her fault. Unfortunately and as usual, the Lord seemed to disagree…and he was NOT in a play-around mood. He wanted me to deal with it, and deal with it right away! Why I was having such a difficult time, I really do not know, but I am sure God knew what he was doing. I left Journey without closure to my problem, but God brought me a verse the day after I got home that shed light on everything. It was from Isaiah 59, verses 1 and 2 about how MY iniquities had caused a breach between me and him! I realized that the ultimate problem here was not my mom, but was my bitterness and wrong responses. I asked God to help me forgive my mom for hurting me and I asked God to forgive me for my bitterness and hateful responses. I recognized several days after I got home that bitterness breaks family one accord.

By far, this was the hardest journey I have ever been on. God dealt with me in ways I did not want to be dealt with, but he also drew me nearer to his heart to find out who he really was. I came home with an urgent desire to seek God and find him. A dear girl who works in the office at Headquarters gave an amazing message on pursuing God the night before we drove back to Chicago. It struck me because I wanted to know how to continue my journey at home. Over and over again, she assured us that our faithful God will be near us if we pursue him. God revealed to me during those ten days what he wants from me this summer. He is not interested in me thinking I have it all down. Rather, he wants me to take a step off the diving board, a leap of faith, and simply believe that he is…to TRUST him completely. It will not be fun. I can assure you of that…but in the end, the fruit will be multiplied a hundredfold!

As you continue to walk with God, remember that he is the Diadem of Beauty. We have the capacity to look just like him, but only if we trust him. That is not conditional trust…that is unconditional trust. If you have not been on a Journey…you REALLY should go. It is not a fix, or an end all, or a band-aid for the broken, but it is a ten day trip into the heart of God, and it is worth more money than you could find in the whole world. I would challenge you to make a way to go whether it requires re-structuring your schedule or missing something academic you really wanted to do this summer, because just KNOWING Jesus is the GREATEST thing of all! If you are interseested in going with us, Sarah and I will be returning in July of 2010, the 10th through the 20th.

Tags: ATI, IBLP, Journey to the Heart

This entry was posted on Wednesday, April 7th, 2010 at 10:58 am and is filed under Exhortation & Encouragement, Student Expeditions, Testimonies. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.